Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.

Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.

If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You can tell me why you just dont fit in
And how you're gonna be something
Punk Rock Princess - Something Corporate

he didn't kiss me.
i arrived five minutes late, bearing pizza and icecream, no beer cause he said he already had some. we watched sahara and hitch and he kicked my ass at monopoly. we spent five hours on his couch. it was sweet, we hung out, ate, played. Sat close. It was easy. Comfortable.

we spent the whole night touching-but not. our arms touched. our legs touched. we brushed against eachother exchanging money or moving game pieces. it felt like my skin was on fire the whole night.

i guess i expected something. i thought cause we talked about this. and he knew how i felt. that i was curious about the lack of touching. that i wouldn't reject him. and because he said he wanted to. i thought that there would be something. maybe even something really little. like a mini backrub, or his arm around me during the movie, or maybe taking my hand. but there was nothing.

the end was weird. the end is why i'm on the internet at 1am writing this stupid blog instead of trying to sleep or study for tomorrow. around the time he normally goes to bed, i decided to leave. i got up and put my shoes one. we kept chatting, he made fun of my little feet. it was a little awkward, we were both standing there. so. i went to leave. he offered to walk me to my car. i opened the door, discovered it was raining and told him not to worry about it. we yelled our good byes as I ran down the driveway. I know that it is partially my fault. I did little to encourage anything. But I flirted all night, and I was very conscious of body language, and I gave him no reason to think that I wasn't into him.

But now. I can't help but wonder what is going on inside his head. Getting a guy to kiss me, usually isn't this hard. And I know it is complicated by how much I like him, and I know that he was scared before.

As soon as I was in my car I was wishing that I had the balls to run back in and kiss him. I don't want to push, because pushy is scary. But what do I do? How many more virgin dates can I go on?