Maybe redeption has stories to tell,
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell,
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where are you going to go?
Salvation is here.
Dare You To Move - Switchfoot


We’re in line for snacks at the movies. He asks if I want anything. I don’t. He says: Right, I should have known, you never do. Why? So, I go on to explain that I’m watching what I eat. He says: Why? (Awwww, and he became the perfect man!) So, I tell him that I’m going to be seeing my ex boyfriend and my ex boss the next weekend, and how I’d like to look good. He's not totally comfortable with this I can tell. I make sure he knows that I broke up with him, that I don't want him back, but I don't want him to be happy I dumped him either. Some how this turns into a conversation regarding where the craziest place we ever had sex was. I’m not sure how it got there, cause he definitely was uncomfortable, and I felt sick to my stomach to think about him with some other girls.

I’m falling. Hard and fast. I wouldn’t say that I’d use the l-word yet, and not that I would even say if I felt it, but there is so much to love about him.

I love that he asks about my day even though he knows that all I did was go to class. I love how he automatically covers me with the blanket and that he always wants to share. I love that he rubs my feet without being asked. I love that he lets me stick my feet under his bum for warmth. I love that he doesn’t complain about how I sit on the couch or the endless fidgeting. How he wants to know how I slept and what I dreamt about. I love that he doesn’t want to dwell on the past. I love that he acknowledges that he has issues. I love that he likes me despite mine. I love that he’ll try anything once. I love how laid back he is. That he lets his Mum buy him clothes. I love how thankful he is for everything that I do for him. I love how he asks for my opinion.

I’m nervous about next weekend. I’m nervous about seeing Joel. I’m scared he is going to break when I tell him about Eric. I also am scared that he’s not going to care. I don’t want to be with him. But, I’m still not totally over him. I know this. I’m dealing. It would make me feel better if his parents knew. It would make me feel better if he was dealing with us not being together. I think I will feel better after. After it is dealt with. After it is over. But he doesn’t seem to want to go there.