Wonder how you sleep, I wonder what you think of me
Downfall - Matchbox Twenty

So I'm terrible at knowing if boys like me. I think part of it is delusion. The idea that I am going to ignore everything that doesn't fit with what I think he feels. Therefore if I don't think that he likes me, he pretty much has to write it on his face for me to figure it out. I guess it also means that if I think that he likes me, I am blindsided, but as I pretty much never assume someone likes me so this has yet to happen.

So, there is a boy. Actually not so much a boy, a man. And my friends, this is a first for me. I usually date boys. Boys who want me to be part lover, part housekeeper, part mother. I don't want to do this anymore. So. I found a man. He is sweet, and funny, and smart and thoughtful. And I have no idea how he feels about me. Part of my confusion I think is the age difference. It's 11 years. It makes me feel special and crazy and sometimes like I am in highschool. Sometimes I wonder when I discover myself acting ridiculous what he sees - cute or neurotic?

I found out today that his roomates/second family like me. A whole bunch. And I wonder if maybe he feels similarly? Seems kinda silly to tell me how they feel without feeling it himself. But then. The male species is a mystery to me.

So I'm here. 13 hrs from him. Wondering if I will ever see him again. Wondering if all the butterflies and tummy twinges are for nothing.