There's really no way to reach me
'Cause I'm already gone
Vienna - The Fray

Joel and I had the chat. I'm proud of myself. It was brutal.

I really just wanted him to know what I was thinking before he drove all the way here. I didn't think it was fair for him to spend the money and the time to come visit a person who no longer feels the same way.

So I told him.

I told him that I wasn't happy and that I hadn't been for a long time. I pointed out some problems in our relationship. I told him I felt like we were already in the friend zone. I made sure he had the whole picture.

He said he still wanted to come. Said he wasn't willing to finish this over the phone. Told me he could change my mind (surprise.)

I told him he was welcome to come - but I wasn't sure of the context yet. For me it is already over. I just think he needs to see what we are like together to see for sure.

It bothers me though that since this conversation whenever we talk he still calls me baby. He still tells me that he loves me.

I felt relieved after I got off the phone with him. I felt like I had done the right thing. But I'm still not ready to totally move on which is bad. I don't want to think about him with another girl. and today when I was in walmart I smelled his scent on another boy and I missed him so much it hurt.

It's a step in the right direction. It's a move I've needed to make for a while.
It's done.