Never thought I'd say I'm sorry.
Never thought I'd be the one.
Brand New Day - Forty Foot Echo


Over the thanksgiving break I was alone a lot. So. I did a lot of thinking. Thinking about relationships, why they failed, and hoping to maybe learn something so that I don’t repeat my past mistakes.

In light I think of the impending trip to Southern Ontario, I’ve been thinking a lot about Joel and why it didn’t work. We were together such a long time. It obviously wasn’t horrible or anything. He’s a really nice guy. He’s cute. We’re friends. What went wrong?

I didn’t trust him. I knew that he was a good guy. He wouldn’t purposefully hurt me, or do anything destructive. But he fucked up enough that I couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. I can’t respect a screw up. No matter how sweet or cute they are – I can’t. He forgot his wallet on our first date. He had chronic problems balancing his finances. He leaned on his parents too much. He wasn’t a good driver so I couldn’t trust him with my car. He regularly got lost or forgot things.

I couldn’t count on him. I’m looking for someone who completes me. Who can save me when I can’t save myself. He couldn’t save me. I couldn’t depend on him. I didn’t trust him. So I could never give myself to him completely.