My last post seems very ironic now. Given that today has been the worst Valentines Day ever. Valentines Day sucks when you are alone. But it sucks even more when you are with someone and they do nothing.

I know that he hates Valentines Day. I know that he hates all holidays. So. When I put together a little gift for him today, I made sure that nothing said Valentines day, or was especially Valentine-ish. I gave him a frame with my picture in it and a piece of chocolate shaped like a race car. Even the card said "happy second wednesday in February" instead of "Be Mine." I wasn't even really expecting anything from him. I wasn't hoping for a gift or a card. I was only hoping for a night when we could enjoy each others company. Instead when I handed him the present he said "What is this" and then refused to open it. Claiming that if I listened I wouldn't have given him anything due to his hate for the day. And that if I wanted to give him something, I should have waited for another day.

I didn't say anything. I sat in silence for about 15 minutes and left. I don't even know what to say. The package sat unopened on the couch.

Maybe if he took his head out of his ass for long enough to see that the world doesn't revolve around him he would notice that the day meant something to me. And that I had put in a lot of effort to show him that I cared. And that if I mattered to him, maybe he could think about how I feel for like 30 seconds and just accept it and get over himself.

When I received a dozen roses in the mail from Mandar yesterday I knew this was how it was going to be. I knew that he would disappoint me. And I set my expectations so low. So low that there was nothing short of being the biggest asshole on the planet, that he could do to let me down. And he did it.

The more I think about it. The last 2 months have pretty much been a huge disappointment. Him breaking plans with me. Him being lazy. Him choosing his buddies over me. Yet when I ask him about our relationship, thinking that he is being a dick to get me to go away, he says he's not, and he gets upset about the idea of me leaving. He wants me to be all in. But he doesn't work hard enough to keep me and yet I'm in love with him.

Where do I go from here?

I think I'm going to wait this out. See if he comes to me. If he doesn't then I'll have my answer. If he does then I will have a chance to vent my frustration and disappointment.

What a shitty day.