You said your life needed something special,
Well here I am.
Glad - Tyler Hilton

I’m sorry this has taken so long. It’s been surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, hard to write. I had hoped that maybe giving it some time would help me clear some of the confusion in my head. But it has not. The confusion remains although some of the details have become hazy.

I left at 10:30am. It was blizzarding but I was foolhardy and desperate to not be here. To be away from this and looking at things both new and old. A vacation from the thoughts that had been filling my mind. I had to stop a ridiculous number of times to clear off my icing wiper blades. There were points where I could not see at all, or where I was wiping a spot semi-clear with my gloved hand out the window. There were times I was sure I would die. But I didn’t.

It took me 10 hrs to go as far as 6 would usually take me. But then I got there, to Pato’s bed, it felt like home. It was so good to see her, to hear her giggle, to hear new stories while slideshows of old adventures passed through my mind. It’s good to see how happy she is.

There was talking into the middle of the night. There was moaning in someone’s sleep. (I won’t name names…. But...I did hear it… ) There was yummy greasy breakfasts and romps at the Stag Shop where I purchased some new friends. Yes some, it was shitty when my other one broke, so I want back up this time. Plus, you can never have too many friends. There was Christmas shopping. She did the Christmas part, I was more about the shopping. But my oh my Ricki’s you do know how to make my ass look good.

I met the boy. He’s quiet. At first that threw me a little. But then I saw the look on her face when he’s around. She didn’t stop smiling the whole time and there is a little twinkle in her eye. I caught the little glances he snuck at her when she wasn’t looking. The hand on the knee. The knowing headshake and smile when the earring landed in the drink. Ahhh. Adorable.

I had been looking forward to seeing her for so long, that I hadn’t really thought about what it was going to be like to leave. Its weird how you can go so long without seeing someone, and yet when you come back its like nothing had changed. The bed where I sat hugging the pillow could have been in the basement at Hickory St, or in a Residence at Laurier. Time stopped for 24 hrs. But it had to start again. I had to leave and I had to leave not really knowing when the next time would be. Because of the anxiety I had about seeing Joel, the full effect didn’t hit me till I was heading home. But it definitely felt like I was leaving something I love behind.

to be continued...